Archive for September, 2006

My Thoughts this September 21,2006

Thursday, September 21st, 2006

Sitting on the doorstep, sipping my third cup of coffee for the day… cigarette on the other hand, my mind wanders as I look up and stare at a plane weaving its way through the clouds. My thoughts?????

  • I feel so NUMB. I feel so NUMB. I feel so NUMB. I feel so NUMB. I feel so NUMB. I feel so NUMB. I feel so NUMB.
  • I am glad to finally be going home if I think of that particular "odd/bizarre/hurting or what have you" situation I was in.
  • I am HURTING inside with all the lies I overheard and what was relayed to me.
  • I wonder when my plans will be in accordance with HIS will.
  • I feel so shattered deep inside me.
  • I am going to miss the LOVE OF MY LIFE so so so so so so so so much.

There are no tears as I think about these and many more. I know there will be no tears when I leave two days from now. But a lot of questions on what tomorrow has in store for me. I know I still ask a lot of questions but I have surrendered everything to HIM. I may never come back here… I don’t really know but whatever it is………                INSHALLAH

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Untitled

Thursday, September 7th, 2006

GOD is too wise to be mistaken…
GOD is too good to be unkind…
so when you don’t understand..
when you don’t see HIS plan…
when you can’t trace HIS hand…
HAVE FAITH AND TRUST HIS HEART

For my friends who receive emails from me, this saying is usually found at the end of every message i send. I first got this as text message some 7 or 8 years ago. I was not going through any particular crisis at that time but it did strike me as something that i should keep in mind. True enough whenever something was bothering me, this would always pop up in my mind continuously knocking and banging on my head saying… "Wake up… everything happens in HIS time. Never yours"

The other day I greeted a friend who was celebrating her birthday and briefly relayed to her some of the trials i have been going through these past months. I have not seen her for quite some time now nor have I talked to her. I have also been seeing friends over the months too and it sure is a blessing to have them around continuously inspiring me to go on. Not that I have given up but human as I am…depression sets in. Last Labor Day Weekend, I was in a friends house. After sharing and exchanging stories and tears till the wee hours of the morning, I realized that what she was going through was much worse than mine and that i had so much to be thankful for.

But think of it this way? What would life be if we did not have these trials? BORING!!!!! It’s a challenge so we have to face it. I have stumbled and been stepped on a lot of times but I stood up with my chin up moving on…. WITH FAITH AND TRUST IN HIM. Easy to say… but hard to do. We all get around and realize it is true.

Every end of the day… let’s think about … "all the problems we have encountered for the day vis a vis the blessings we have received" And to you my FRIENDS… you are one of the blessings I have in my life.

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Shells and Broken Pieces

Wednesday, September 6th, 2006

SHELLS AND BROKEN PIECES
By Susan Titus Osborn, Reststops for Single Moms
Jun 19, 2006

I walked along the beach one autumn morning, hoping to find shells
for my collection. The summer tourists had gone home, and the kids
had returned to school. The beach was deserted except for an elderly
couple walking hand in hand and a man scavenging with a metal
detector. I seemed to be the only person searching for shells.

However, all I could find were broken pieces. I kicked at the sand in
frustration. The broken shells reminded me of the fragmented pieces
of my own life since the breakup of my marriage.

Then the wind whipped my hair and sent a chill down by back. I pulled
my sweatshirt around me and kept walking. Somehow, I hoped my brisk
pace would help me leave my problems behind to be swept out with the
tide. Instead, the waves kept bringing in more and more broken shells.

Then, I paused and cried out, "Where are you, Lord? What plan do You
have for the broken pieces of my life?"

I resumed walking, trying to gain perspective on my situation. What
had happened to my perfect little family of four? Like the shells, my
hopes and dreams for the future had been dashed on the rocks.

God seemed silent. Yet, I sensed the fault was mine, not His. I
wasn’t seeking His guidance so much as I was venting my anger by
shouting.  Another wave surged on the shore, and I continued my
search. To my surprise, this one brought in a beautiful whole shell.
Scooping it up in my hand, I turned it over and noticed how perfectly
God had formed it. In the midst of all this brokenness was wholeness.
Perhaps God would make me whole too.  However, I needed to do my
part. Instead of dwelling on my problems and unmet expectations, I
needed to plan for the future. I no longer had a husband, but I did
have two wonderful teenage boys. The three of us were still a family.

We could build on what we did have. We could love and encourage each
other. We could laugh and plan inexpensive outings together. We could
look to the future, knowing God would guide our path if we allowed Him.

Perhaps, if I stopped shouting at God, I would be able to hear Him
speak. I looked at the perfect shell in my hand and smiled. Had God
already spoken?

Just what was this piece supposed to tell me? Definitely I have no broken marriage behind me…hahaha BUT, it should make us all realize that when we are at our lowest point in or lives (or so we think…) WE ARE STILL WHOLE!!!! Ouch!!! That’s all I could say… But it is true… surrender everything to HIM and in his time all will be well….

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