2007 is just a few minutes away. Another whole year is coming!

THANK YOU LORD….

• for all the people who have been part of my happy, ecstatic moments this year;
• for all the people who came into my life and just breezed through;
• for my friends who have been my source of inspiration and my reason for living and also moving on;
• for all the peole who have caused me pain and confusion this year coz in doing so, they have made me stronger and made me realize my "inner qualities" which i really didn’t think i had much off;
• for all the victories that i had;
• for all the mistakes that i committed…consciously or unconsciously for it has again reminded me of things that i have overlooked;
• for the strengths and weakness which has made me sa better person;
• for the laughter, tears, sorrows, TRIALS, learnings, temptations, hard realizations, struggles, answered and unanswered questions, perseverance………
• for my "real" friends and family who have stood by me;
• AND most of all for having you LORD in my life…for without you i would not have survived this year…and you know that.

This year has given me bruises, got me battered (figure of speech) and had me stumble here and there but with each blow, I stood up…wobbling on my feet, uncertain and with tears in my eyes — moving on with this in mind…

"GOD is too good to be unkind… GOD is too wise to be mistaken… So when you don’t understand When you can’t trace his hand Have FAITH and TRUST HIS HEART…" 

Thank you LORD!!!!! I may not have anyhting material to boast about but I have YOU in my life. And I am still here to serve you.

To all of you reading this, thank you for the memories, for your best wishes and prayers and for simply being a part of my life. I pray that the LORD will continue blessing you and always carry you in the palm of HIS hand.

Happy New Year !!!

Cutting Loose the Dead Weight by Rubel Shelly

Merle Jordan writes about standing on the edge of the ocean and
watching a young man and an older man row a small boat out to a larger one that was anchored at some distance from the shore. The older man climbed aboard, went to the wheel of the large boat, and brought its engine to life.

It was the young sailor’s job to hoist the anchor. Struggling with the
heavy, dead weight was no easy thing for him. But it was clear the boat was not about to move forward on its charted course until the anchor had been hauled aboard.

Jordan uses that episode as a metaphor for his book Reclaiming Your
Story. He writes:

  We are all anchored in the personal histories we inherit from a
  family of origin … Our maps of reality; images of God; values,
  beliefs, and meaning systems; patterns of relating, communicating,
  and interacting; sense of identity and self-worth; and emotional
  awareness and means of expression are largely determined by our
  relationships and experiences in our families of origin.

How on-target! Haven’t you seen it play out in the life of someone you know? An abused child never learns to trust as an adult. Boys molested by men are often aggressive as an antidote to feeling weak or afraid. Traumatized kids frequently overreact to upsetting things with rage and horror. People who grow up with alcohol, violence, or abandonment issues even tend to choose mates and business partners who have the same traits. After all, they can relate to them.

They are repeating history!

The Christian faith is about transformation. "If anyone is in Christ,"
said Paul, "he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" (2 Corinthians 5:17).

But some people never experience the new life Christ has made possible for them. And often it isn’t their fault. They don’t realize they are repeating history from their families of origin or from their early life experiences. No one has helped them fathom that those early experiences have them stuck in emotional cement.

If you have children, it is important that you look for and interrupt
any unhealthy patterns in your family history. You don’t want to pass
them on to future generations. Your leadership in business, community, or church will be enhanced through an awareness of how these dynamics work. You can become the catalyst for helping others find emotional and spiritual health.

We sometimes need others’ help to pull up our anchors to the past in
order to move forward on the journey God has in mind for us. Be brave.

Cut loose from the dead weight!

Humming in my UNIVERSE By Jim Paredes
The Philippine STAR 11/05/2006

Exactly 29 years ago on Oct. 29, Lydia and I walked down the aisle.
She was 20 and I was 25, both of us wide-eyed but so sure of ourselves
and our decision to stay together forever as we plunged into matrimony. We were sure, the way young people tend to be certain, that it was going to be an adventure. But little did we know that it was going to be a big one, probably the biggest one we’d ever know. Getting married is like signing a blank check. You have no idea how much it will cost you. You are committing an unquantifiable amount of material and emotional capital – time, money, patience, sacrifice, and an infinite number of things you have not even begun to imagine that you must deal with eventually.

Many of them are real minefields as Lydia and I, like all couples, soon discovered. There are the in-laws, kids, expenses, the balance between career and family life, personal habits, sex, jealousy, etc. There is also the process of arriving at a "negotiated settlement" on how to deal with things like getting along with each other’s friends, child rearing, spending habits, religion, hobbies, and how much "independence" the partners should be allowed. The institution of marriage, as we inherited it, was very complicated.

One of the things I found out much later in our married life is that there is a difference between a love affair and a marriage. A love affair has a dynamic that is different from a marital bond. Generally, love affairs are not meant to last. They are meant to have a beginning and an end. Why? Because they are about two separate people bonded by romantic, oceanic feelings of what seems like love. They live for the intense feeling, riding it as far as it will go and split up when the thrill is gone.

Marriage, on the other hand, is the experience of life by two people as a couple. Many times, new couples discover that they are not an easy fit, as Lydia and I discovered early on. That’s why in a marital relationship one must necessarily give up big parts of himself/herself to the union to get a payback. While one may still want some privacy and independence, one cannot have them without a large dose of a shared life. From the start until the end, marriage is about two people experiencing one and the same lifetime.

It starts with romance and the sexual thrill of being with each other, but you can only count on those for so long. Anyone married for more than 10 years can attest that there are times when the attraction which seemed so strong when you first laid eyes on each other as single people can be non-existent for long periods. Viewed from the
perspective of a love affair, that is certainly not a good thing. One may feel like the journey has reached a stretch of uninteresting flatlands. The joyride is over.

But from the perspective of a long marriage, this is simply a hiatus of sorts, or may even be the first signs of a qualitative change in the way one loves. It can be disconcerting at first but if you stick around long enough, the picture starts to get clearer. While gone may be (from time to time) the breathtaking highs and exhilarating moments, something else may be happening. Author M. Scott Peck put it so well when he wrote that "the death of romantic love can be the start of true love."

In our early years, Lydia and I felt that being married meant we had to do something dramatic all the time to keep it going. But as we got older, the doing often gave way to just being. Where before, love had to be "proven" by the sparkling diamond on her finger, or the great trip abroad, or the special dinner with wine in some plush place, love
in our 29-year marriage feels no compulsion to prove itself as
dramatically. Having long walks, conversations after dinner, holding
hands during long drives, snuggling in bed or just simply being
together – sometimes without even talking – have often taken the place
of all that. While sex can still be as great as ever, the truth is, as
an older couple, we have discovered other ways to remain interested in
each other. There is not only comfort but magic in the "ordinary," as
one realizes that love can be expressed in simply caring or supporting each other’s steps towards personal and spiritual growth.

This may sound flippant, if not cruel, but looking back, I can say that if I could only guarantee survival, I would recommend cancer to everyone because of what it has done for Lydia and me. It has been such a rare opportunity to meet and accept unconditionally the hard-to-take faces of love that we often run away from. Yet when we bit the bullet, we opened ourselves to greater depth and began to see the face of the Divine in the other human being we had chosen to love. Only then did we realize that all the suffering made sense.

In the end, the very suffering we undergo turns into something eternally beautiful.

One of the big recent highlights of our journey as life partners was Lydia’s big cancer scare three years ago. We felt so helpless as we
tried to deal with the fear of losing each other. But we took it on as a couple. As far as we were concerned, we both had cancer. Those were
days of great emotional upheaval. Ironically, they were also moments
of calm and assurance. Even as we cried about it, we also learned that
we loved each other enough to willingly suffer together because,
paradoxically, by doing so, we eased each other’s pain.

Christmas is here once again. Everyone is busy..with work, decorating their homes, doing the last minute shopping, attending parties… Oh yes indeed everyone from all walks of life are busy. I too have my share of "things to do" and intend to make this christmas a MERRY one for me too.

But what exactly is the Essence of Chirstmas ? Is it the gift giving? Is it being busy to decorate our homes? Or is it simply being around the poeple we love. For me, the Essence of Christmas is LOVE. We all have so much LOVE to give and yet do we? Do we give out LOVE to the people around us?

This Christmas season, let us meditate on the real Essence of Christmas amidst the celebration that we all are doing. Let us all remember HIM as we celebrate HIS birthday.

As HIS birthday approaches I would like to take time to thank the people who touched my life this year. Thoughtful friends who have shown LOVE and made my life more meaningful.

To you my friends…. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

*click on the highlighted blue words to see my special  presentation especially for all of you and a message from Jesus.

Ever met someone who is paranoid? I did!!!! And for more than 5 months I lived with it. All the lies, the deceit, the blaming me (even if I was not there when something happenned, a story always came up andit turned out to be my fault!!!)…. And what did I do? Nothing… people who don’t know me so well will say "I don’t beleive you did not do anything." Those who know me will say "Ana man gyud ka! Just write all your hurts in one sitting and after that, keep it somewhere where you won’t see it ever and move on." As it unfolded day by day during those 5 months, I just kept on writing and writing… till the day I left. I am glad that it dod not reach the point when I would confront her. I may keep my mouth shut for quite some time but I am definitely no pushover.

It has been months and I am already "out of sight" and till now… I still seem to be the apple of that persons eye!!!! GGGGGRRRRRRRRRR….. vaaakkkeeeettttttttt!!!!

So I decided to look it up word for word… other than what I already know about it. What is written below is what I found out. It’s a hopeless case somehow. If it was because of some childhood experiences that person had or not, I don’t really care. It’s just that SHE is pushing the people she loves away from her. The sad thing is she knows it and yet she does it relentlessly not only to her family but also to her friends. Oh well… no wonder.

I used to be mad, angry and hurt. Now, I pity her as she tortures herself. All I can do is to fervently pray for her, HURT as I am, that she be enlightened.

Sorry guys!!!! I just had to take this out of my system…

What is Paranoid Personality Disorder?

Quick Summary:

Paranoid personality disorder is characterized by a distrust of others and a constant suspicion that people around you have sinister motives. People with this disorder tend to have excessive trust in their own knowledge and abilities and usually avoid close relationships. They search for hidden meanings in everything and read hostile intentions into the actions of others. They are quick to challenge the loyalties of friends and loved ones and often appear cold and distant. They usually shift blame to other people and tend to carry long grudges.

Symptoms of Paranoid Personality Disorder:

• Unwillingness to forgive perceived insults
• Excessive sensitivity to setbacks
• Distrustfulness and excessive self-reliance
• Projection of blame onto others
• Consumed by anticipation of betrayal
• Combative and tenacious adherence to personal rights
• Relentlessly suspicious

Additional Information:

Paranoid personality disorder is difficult to treat, as paranoids are often extremely suspicious of medical professionals. A combination of medication and talk therapy can be effective at combating the more debilitating symptoms of this disorder.

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will.

You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it’s harder every time. You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.

You’ll fight with your best friend.

You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did.

You’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you’ve never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back.
Don’t be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.

She died as she had been born and as she had lived, in my care, and surrounded by those who loved her. Vicki W. Fowler

It has often been said that "Dogs are man’s best friend." True ba? So many times this has been proven to be true to me. I have had several pet dogs over the years… TimTam was one of my favorites.. She is gentle, has soulful eyes, sleeps by my bedroom door at night, makes a sound when she stretches, listens when I talk (ha.ha.ha) and never pressures me to give her a bite when I am eating. She has the eyes of her lola too…. Really one of the smarter dogs I have had over the years. I sometimes wondered what she was up to? Like this pic… was she listening? Or…trying to tell me something. But one afternoon last week, you just slept, did not eat, did not drink and looked at me with your soulful eyes and whined. The next day I no longer saw you (they make sure I don’t see my dogs when they pass on). I am somehow gonna miss you. And I will no longer sing …. "Tim,Tam,Tim,Tam,Tum. Tum,Tam,Tim,Tam,Tum, Tam,Tim……." for you are gone…

by John Fischer (www.purposedrivenlife.com)

I have found that it is very "in" to condemn the rudeness and intrusion into people’s space, which has resulted from the widespread use of the cell phone. New technology has a way of altering our lifestyle before we have a chance to fully assess its consequences. This one sprang up so fast that we can find ourselves talking on our cell phones about how rude cell phones are.

Have you noticed how, with headphones, people appear to be going around talking to themselves? One version looks like a large beetle with a death grip on the wearer’s ear. I’ve been in a public restroom before and the guy next to me says something and I turn to answer him only to discover he’s talking to his beetle. He’s in another world.

And then have you noticed how quickly we get attached to these new technologies and wonder how we managed without them? And yet if you stop and think about it, we did. We did just fine, as a matter of fact. So why don’t we just go back? Well you could if you don’t mind becoming out of touch with everyone around you including your own family.

So instead of fighting it, I’ve decided to think about winning this one. Like most technology, this one has good and bad consequences. What are some situations where a cell phone saved the day or made something possible that wouldn’t have happened without it?

Cell phones can bring us into closer communication with those we love and work with, and it’s hard to imagine how communication could ever be a bad thing. In heaven, we’ll have a form of communication that will leave cell phones in the dust (pun intended). I bet we will be in constant communication and have access to anyone, any time. I even bet we’ll know stuff about each other in heaven without having to communicate about it. But until then, I supposed we’ll have to walk around looking like we’re talking to ourselves. Do me a favor, though, and don’t get one of those beetle things. They really look silly.

by Tammy Marcelain  (www.heartlight.org)

But remember that the temptations that come into your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can’t stand up against it. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you will not give in to it (1 Corinthians 10:13 NLT).

What is a cancer? My definition: A cancer is something that is foreign to the place where it lives. A cancer can spread and invade other places in your body or in your life. There is the cancer that we all know — abnormal cells that reproduce in our body causing our normal cells trouble. There is also the cancer of sin. Sin that finds its way into our thoughts and that spreads through our heart.

Lance Armstrong is featured in a recent television commercial on cancer. He speaks of how cancer made him stronger. I connected with his words, because that is what the Lord did for me through my son’s battle with a brain tumor, a benign cancer. Jack was five at the time of diagnosis. He is now seven, and we continue to work through struggles with his continued health.

Through the months of chemotherapy, I sat right next to Jack in a large room filled with men, women, and children being treated for cancer. There was a common feeling in the room, "I will do all I can to keep the cancer from taking over my body. I will not lie down quietly while my body dies a quiet death. I will fight for my life and I will not give up. Lord help me."

The sense of accomplishment when those words come true cannot even be described. It is like falling over a cliff, grabbing on to a lone branch, and climbing back up to the top. The Lord is mightily by your side, creating that branch that you grabbed, making foot holds in the cliff gently with His fingertip, and giving us the avenues to climb. However, the steps must be taken by us. We must reach out for that branch. We must look for the next place to put our feet. We must climb toward the top, trusting even in times of uncertainty.

Once that mountaintop is reached, there is a feeling of beating death, a strength has been tapped into that likely we did not even know existed. The future is filled with more intentional actions, focusing on what is important. The little things that once ruined our day are now just inconveniences. There is an urgency to share the Gospel and a boldness that was not there before.

What happens if a Christian doesn’t make it to the top of that cliff?

The sense of accomplishment cannot be described!

I have to believe that our Lord has counted our days and that was the day that our work on earth was to be done. And when we are done, we are delivered into Jesus’ arms — a place we all hope and pray to reside for eternity.

And for those left on earth to live another day, we continue to strive to run the race and persevere with a renewed spirit.

The cancer of sin can leave us even more helpless than physical cancer. God will give you a branch to grasp, a foothold to climb, and an avenue of escape. With a spiritual cancer, we must use God’s word rather than chemo. Praise and worship are the shot in the arm to raise our spirits. The avenues of escape are there, so dig in your heels, let God help you, and resolve to fight against Satan’s influence in your life.

When you get to the top of that mountain, the feeling is much the same as it is with defeating physical cancer. You have an urgency to share the Gospel. You are more intentional about using your life for important things. You are committed to not letting the cancer take hold again.

Cancer is called the silent disease because it often grows in us without our awareness. I believe that sin can be even more silent than physical cancer. There is no test a doctor can do to detect it, but the Holy Spirit will always know the state of our spirit. His job is to convict us (John 16:7-8) and to empower us (Ephesians 3:14-21; 1 John 4:4). So pray for God to open your eyes to the silent killer in your life, then start looking for the branch, the foothold, and the avenue! If you look closely, the top is in sight!

I was just browsing thru my profile last night thinking of what else to do with it (ha,ha,ha). I read thru it and noticed that in the "who i want to meet" portion I placed that "it would be nice to meet friends from way back"… I don’t know what got into me but I started searching names of friends from way back. The "ultimate surprise" (actually schock!!!) I got was when I typed the name of a special friend of mine from way back… His name and picture was there, his profile was viewable and his email was there! I sent him a smile with a message. I don’t know though if he will reply just yet.

Finding his name made me laugh and smile no regrets knowing him and being part of his life (angkunun ba kaha ko noh?) We met like ages ago… May 1984 and the last I heard from him was 1993? It’s been more than 10 years. He must have made an impression in my life cause there never is a week when his "name/image" does not cross my mind even for a fleeting moment. And now this? WOW!!! But it sure is nice to know that he is okay. Finding your name here has made me smile because he has found what he wants to be and is doing what he loves most.

For you my friend who once cheered me up when I was down, gave me smiles when I was too tired to give you one, made me laugh when I was in one of my moods, turned my life around and most importantly gave me a glimpse of the real world with all it’s sham, pain, deceit and drudgery…. Godspeed!!! Till we meet again.